The power of relationship (actually, it's love)

Yesterday we came home to find that our front grass had been cut by our neighbours. We smiled and thought "how kind of them".

A few days ago, I was sitting in the garden drinking a glass of wine when I heard the neighbour come into his garden with his son to play cricket. The ball frequently smashed against his fence and twice rolled under into my garden. Once it nearly knocked my glass of wine over. I smiled each time and rolled the ball back over to a chorus of "sorry! Thank you!"

Occasionally we hear loud music through our wall, and while it is mildly irritating, it is nice to hear a family laughing and enjoying themselves next door.
Yet, we've also lived in places where when we've heard a loud TV through the wall, our response was one of anger and irritation, which usually let to a loud thump on the wall to ask them to turn it down!

The question is why does one situation result in tolerance and good relations, whereas the other is anger and stress?

The key is that in our current home, we invested in the relationship with our neighbours. On arrival into the neighbourhood we took time to introduce ourselves. At Christmas we send a card. When we had builders on site, we sent neighbours a bottle of wine to apologise for the inconvenience. We communicated with them all about our building plans, not to ask their permission but out of courtesy.

At no point do we do these things in order to manipulate others. We do these things out of love. These actions build relationships which help build tolerance when things happen that could result in tension had the relationship not been there. It's almost like having a bank account with reserves. Investing in relationship is like making lots of small deposits into the account, so that when crisis arrives, we have funds to see us through.

Jesus once told his disciples: "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.". (John 13:35)

When people truly love one another, they invest in relationship. From a position of good relations, we have the reserves of tolerance to listen to each other when we see things differently and we have a sincere desire to understand the motivations of each other, even if we profoundly disagree. 

 
The New Testament is full of examples of conflict in the Church. The pastoral letters emphasise the importance of loving each other and promoting unity and harmony. This is not just a lovey dovey hope, it is about our witness to the world.

Again, we return to the words of Jesus in John 17:

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message,  that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.  I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one—  I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me."

Do you see the last sentence there?  The way we relate to one another in the church sends a message of witness to the world.

This begs the question, what do we do if some in the church oppose same sex marriage and others support it? Or our brothers and sisters in the Anglican community where some support women bishops and others oppose it?

Perhaps now is the time to return to the core message that we need to invest more in our relationships within the Church. Few people change their views by hearing a Bible verse thrown at them to argue that they are wrong. When people feel loved and respected, then we might be open to listening in a far deeper way, rather than to entrench ourselves in a position that leaves the secular press rubbing their hands in glee...